Finding The Way Back
by Newgirlystuff
Summary: Nick comes back early from his summer away with Reagan, while Jess tries to cope with her feelings for him.
1. Chapter 1

**So, new story to cover this summer hiatus. It will focus on Nick and Jess (duh, Captain Obvious!), and it will also feature some of the show's (other) best characters.**

 **I have a few more chapters planned, and I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

She hasn't seen him in a month when her eyes unexpectedly meet his again.

She's laying down on the couch late at night, the TV playing softly in the background but her mind far away, when a knock on the door forces her to her feet. She lets out an annoyed huff and puts down her ice cream bowl, and then shuffles her way to the door, not bothering to put on her slippers.

When she opens it, she can't help the gasp that leaves her lips at the sight of him, and all air gets knocked out of her when his smile hits her.

 _Nick._

He looks exhausted, the dark circles under his eyes giving his tiredness away, but it's like he doesn't even care because when he sees her finallystanding in front of him again nothing else matters. He smiles harder, harder than he has in months, and when he notices she still hasn't blinked once he lets out a soft chuckle.

"Hey, Jess", he says.

When his voice registers in her mind it pulls her out of her trance and she can feel the tears starting to cloud her eyes, her mouth gaping open as her hand refuses to let go of the doorknob.

She stares at him speechless, her mind trying to find an explanation as to why he'd be back now- _it's only been four weeks, and he said three months, and._.. But when he drops his bag to the floor and rises back up, her chest feels on fire. He tugs on her hand, and she lets his arms suddenly envelop her in a hug and rests her head on his shoulder. She also tries not to cry when he whispers against her hair.

"I missed you", he tells her, and tightens his grip around her. She lets her arms go around his neck and her fingers curl into his t-shirt, his smell washing over her again.

She clutches harder on his shirt, a million questions on her head, but none of them manage to reach her lips when he pulls her even tighter and holds onto her. She wants to tell him she's missed him too, she wants to tell him so many things, but she just presses herself closer to him and buries her nose in his neck. She lets out a timid I missed you too muffled against his shirt, and then tries to stop the shiver that starts in her heart and spreads through her body.

 _He's back._

When she finally pulls back, she doesn't even need to ask him before he shrugs and tilts his head to the side. He holds onto her hands and tugs on them, shrugging his shoulders. "It just didn't work out", is all he says, and she wants to ask him _why_ , and she wants to ask him _what happened_ , but she doesn't.

She looks down at their joined hands and almost whimpers when he lets go to pick up his bag from the floor. _It just didn't work out_ , she thinks, and her eyes can't leave him while he stands back up and nudges her gently on her shoulder, his head motioning towards the loft. _It just didn't work out_ , the new mantra in her head.

She steps back inside and presses her back against the door, watching as he walks into the apartment, drops his bag by the couch and then grunts and plops down on it, grinning instantly when he notices the ice cream on the coffee table next to a half empty glass of wine. He lifts his head at her and smiles and she can't help it but smile back at him for the first time that night.

"So", he says, and pats the spot on the couch next to him. She walks towards him, sitting down next to him and folding her legs under her. He turns his body towards her and kicks his shoes off, ignoring her immediate screeching of his name and her fake gagging at his feet. She punches his arm and he laughs and lets his shoulder bump into hers, and just like that, it feels like _them_ again.

Silence falls comfortably over them and she wants to ask him then, she wants to know the _how_ and the _why_ , but then it hits her hard that he's really back, that he's there with her again. That even if it's just for the remainder of the night, it's just the two of them, and no one else. And so she just smiles at him and watches him squeeze her knee playfully until she slaps his hand away, and he falls back against the couch with a slump.

"Welcome back, _you clown_ ", she tells him, and the meaning behind her words makes him swallow hard, which doesn't go unnoticed by Jess.

It's then that she decides that nothing else matters in that moment- there will be time for everything else any other time.

"So", he starts again, pulling her out of her thoughts. He looks at her and lets out a sigh. "What did I miss?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Here comes the angst, mostly from Jess' perspective.**

 **I would love to hear your thoughts and suggestions!**

* * *

Nick notices _something_ is off the following morning. He walks out of his room and into the kitchen and finds her having breakfast with Winston, and then his friend jumps from the stool to pat his back and man-hug him. He rolls his eyes and hugs him back briefly before pushing him away, scrunching up his nose.

"Calm down, Winston", he jokes. "It's only been a month."

"What happened, dude? Why are you back so soon?", he asks, and Nick can feel Jess' eyes burning through him. He walks to the fridge and rummages through it, pulling out a carton of orange juice.

"Just didn't work out", he answers, shrugging his shoulders. His eyes don't meet Winston's when he says it.

Or Jess'.

"But hey, I'm ready to go back to the arena", he jokes, and slams the fridge door closed. "I'm now back in the dating game, am I right?", he adds, and Jess feels her insides lurch and balls her hands into fists. She's so lost in her own thoughts she completely misses the confused look on Nick's face when his eyes settle on her again as he notices her reaction.

"Yeah, man!", Winston cheers, "Watch out, Los Angeles! Nick Miller is ready to get laid again!"

Nick just chuckles and high-fives him, resting his hand on the kitchen aisle right next to Jess', so close she can feel the warmth irradiating from it. Her mind immediately fills with memories of them together, of that same hand tracing up and down her body, touching her so expertly and adoringly and making her feel so unbelievably loved every time they made love. The thought that it is no longer her that will get to feel that way suddenly invades her again and makes her eyes prick with tears.

Jumping off from her stool, she almost bumps into Nick as she practically runs out of the kitchen. She mumbles an apology while looking at the floor and it's only seconds before they hear her bedroom door slamming closed, both Winston and Nick frowning in confusion at her sudden outburst.

What they don't hear is Jess collapsing against it before she lets the tears take over.

* * *

She talks to Tran sometimes. It all started when Nick went away; Cece and Schmidt on their honeymoon and Winston locked away in his room with Aly. The first time she ended up at the park, she didn't even notice Tran sitting next to her until he gently tapped her shoulder.

She found it easier than she thought to tell him _everything._

She also found herself visiting him more than frequently. Telling him the same story over and over again. It didn't make the pain go away, but she somehow felt slightly better hearing herself saying the words out loud.

 _I love Nick._

 _I'm in love with him._

She drives to the park the evening after Nick comes back. She knows everyone will be at the bar, but she needs to stop by the park first. When she reaches the bench, Tran is already sitting there. He smiles at her as she sits down and lets out a sigh.

"He's back, Tran", is all she says for a while. She's looking into the distance, and the park is unusually quiet around them. But she barely notices it as she's too lost in her own thoughts.

He gently grabs her hand and nods at her to continue. "He's moved on", she chokes out. "From her, from me", she adds, and runs a hand through her hair. She tries not to cry, but the feeling of loneliness makes her body shake with silent sobs. Tran squeezes her hand tighter.

She tells him everything again. She tells him their story from the beginning.

* * *

It's almost ten at night when she turns the corner to the bar for the first time in over a month. She hops down the stairs and sees the guys are cheerfully talking in one of the booths, but her eyes quickly spot Nick behind the bar. His eyes meet hers before she reaches the bar and his whole face lights up as she waves at him and slides into one of the stools.

He automatically reaches for the pink wine they keep buying mostly just for her, starting to pour her a glass as she places her purse down on the bar. After her outburst that morning, Winston had told him that she'd been acting _strange_ ever since the wedding. _Even stranger than usual_ , he'd said, _but she won't tell me why. Believe me, I've tried everything- I think it's got something to do with Sam, man._ Nick had simply nodded his head, both men staring at her closed door. An instant feeling of guilt fell on Nick's shoulders- he'd taken off to New Orleans and left her alone while she was grieving her break up alone.

Shaking his head, he pushes his thoughts aside and finishes pouring her drink. Watching her play smooth her hands down her dress, he smiles at her and tosses a coaster on the bar.

"Hey, I never got to ask you, Jess", he says, setting the glass of wine down in front of her. "But this morning… I know Sam and you…", he tries, and raises his eyebrows at her. She shakes her head and lets out a humorless chuckle he recognizes a little too quick- her walls are coming up again.

"Are you OK?", he insists, his eyes searching hers. "That's what's wrong, isn't it?", he asks, and she can hear the hesitation is his question.

"Yeah, sorry about that", she says, fiddling with the stem of the glass, her gaze focused on the bar behind him. _You're really way off on your guessing game there, Miller,_ she thinks, but she goes along with it. She finally lifts his eyes to his and tries to erase any trace of emotion in them, afraid he'll be able to read her. "It was just… unexpected. But I'll be fine", she croaks out, and watches as he listens intently to her while mixing another drink. But she can't hide the sadness in her stare, especially not to him.

"I had no idea it had affected you that much, Jess", he says, even though he can feel she's still not telling him everything. His voice shows his concern for her, as does his deep frown. _Come on, Jess, just tell me._

"I guess my feelings for him were deeper than I thought, you know?", she says, and has to stop herself from flinching at her own lie. _Bullshit,_ her brain screams at her. She feels he's trying to read her face, trying to find the real explanation for her behavior, but she keeps her expression as straight as she can manage. He drops his eyes in disappointment and lets out a quiet sigh before lifting his eyes back to hers. She holds his stare for a moment before he gives up and breaks the connection.

He finally nods his head at her and she smiles weakly, gulping down her wine. "I'm just gonna…", she mutters, and points to the booth where their friends are sitting at. She has just turned away from his when his voice stops her.

"Jess? Is that everything there is?", he says quietly. His frustration is growing because he's no longer able to read her thoughts, but he knows she's hiding something from him. He's hovering over the bar, his sleeves rolled up to just below his elbows, and for a second Jess feels like he can see right through her heart.

 _Tell him. Tell him now._

But then she remembers his and Winston's conversation that same morning. _He's moved on,_ she thinks, _it's too late._

"Jess?" he repeats, his eyes pleading her to be honest with him. "Is that everything there is?"

She tightens her grip around her glass and doesn't look away from him.

She takes a deep breath and forces a smile.

"Of course, Nick", she says, and lets his gaze pierce through her for a minute before turning around again and heading towards the booth.

He grits his teeth and feels a pain to his chest as he watches her walk away.

He knows she's lying to him.


	3. Chapter 3

**This one's going to hurt, folks. Also, notice the rating change for this chapter! You've been warned- this won't be pretty and it's M.**

 **On a positive note, we'll (finally) start getting into Nick's mind and feelings here.**

* * *

Her eyes are squeezed tight and her head is turned away from him, his face buried in her shoulder as he continues to kiss his way up and down her neck. She's trying to leave her mind void of any thought, but she just can't get _him_ out of her head.

His groan against her neck makes her throw her head back, her eyes refusing to open while his hands travel up her body. He pins her arms over her head, his lips moving from her neck to press against hers. His warm, strong body is pressing into hers, and even though he's incredibly handsome she can't bring herself to look at him.

"Baby, you feel so good", he grunts against her neck, his deep voice echoing in her ears. She manages to move one hand from under his grip and locks it around his neck, pulling him into her and bucking her hips to meet his thrusts. She can't help the moan that escapes her when his hand travels down her body to help push her over the edge, but she has to bite down hard on her lip to keep herself from screaming the _wrong_ name.

The name she really wants to scream.

He lets out a strangled groan and drops his head to her shoulder, his hips slowing down until they reach a complete stop. Breathing heavily, he lifts his head and presses a kiss to her lips before moving his body off hers and flopping next to her on the bed.

"That was amazing", he chokes out, throwing a strong arm over his eyes. She doesn't have time to respond before she hears his snoring starting to fill the room.

Turning on her side and away from him, she clutches the sheet to her body and cries until she falls asleep.

* * *

Nick pads into the kitchen the next morning, stopping dead in his tracks when he notices Winston and Jess are having breakfast with a third person. Even though he can only see his back, Nick feels his heart drop to the floor. Stopping their animated chatting, Winston stares at him while Jess buries her face in her cereal. The man turns around and nods his head at him, immediately aware of the change in the air.

"Hey, man", he says, "good morning". The sound of his voice rings through Nick's ears and goes straight to his gut, making his insides churn into a mix of pain and disgust.

"What are _you_ doing here?", he wants to ask, but no words come out. His eyes are fixed on Jess, and even though he'd be the one asking the question he's more than sure that he doesn't want to hear the answer. He can hear the man talking, but his now somehow blurry vision only sees Jess, and he wills for her to look back at him, to let him know that it's not what he thinks it is, that there's another explanation as to why he'd be in their kitchen.

But she refuses to meet his stare and continues to look down, and that's all Nick needs to know.

"… even though you did knock me out cold", he hears the man saying, no anger to his voice. "I think I spent hours on that elevator before one of your neighbors helped me up."

"Yeah, sorry about that", Nick spits out, finally looking back at him, "but you were in _my_ girlfriend's bed", he says, and watches as the other man stands up and rounds the kitchen aisle.

"That's why I made well sure she was no longer your girlfriend", he says, "one punch was enough. No hard feelings though, huh?", he says, his hand now resting on Jess' thigh as he presses a kiss to her cheek, Nick's heart breaking into pieces at the sight. Especially when her eyes lift up momentarily to his while another man still has his lips on her. "Call me if you want to hang out again", he whispers to her, loud enough to make sure everyone else in the room can hear it too.

"Sure", she answers, her eyes focused on her cereal again.

He presses another kiss to her cheek and her whole body tenses up, which doesn't go unnoticed by Nick. She moves her face away from him, but he's already walking away and doesn't look back at her while he walks towards Nick.

"Hey, man, what do you say we bury the hatchet, huh?", he asks, thrusting a hand in Nick's direction.

Nick reluctantly grabs his hand, shaking it quickly and watching as Winston jumps from his stool. He yanks his hand back and puts it in his pocket, curling it into a fist as he holds the other man's stare. "Well, I better get going, now", he says, and Nick gives a sharp nod of his head.

"I gotta go, too", Winston says, sensing the fight brewing between Nick and Jess. He walks up to the men and begins pushing him towards the door. Ten seconds later and the front door slams closed. As soon as they're left alone, Nick's anger explodes.

"So you finally got to sleep with him, huh?", he spits out. A small voice in his head tells him there's something more, the look on her face a clear indicator that she's not happy, a mask of sadness clouding her features. But Nick doesn't see it. "Guess you're totally over Sam now, right?" _Totally over me_ , he wants to yell at her.

"Don't do this, Nick", she says, and stands up. She turns away from him and places her cereal bowl in the sink, cursing herself for her stupidity. But when she turns back to him, his eyes are glaring at her in anger. He didn't think it would hurt so much to see her move on, and seeing her actually doing so hurts even more than he thought it would. He knows she doesn't deserve his next words, but his anger is too far gone for him to rationalize his thoughts.

"Just let me ask you something, was this really the first time?", he roars nastily, "Or did you fuck him too before I punched him out of your bed?", he hisses, his voice getting louder and the sharp pain in his chest making it heave with rage. But that doesn't stop him from cringing at his own question and being filled with regret the moment his brain registers the words.

 _Out of line, Miller._

But she immediately widens her eyes in shock, her mouth gaping open and his question making her disgusted that he could actually think that. "Nick…", she chokes out, trying not to cry. "How can you ask me that?", she says, feeling herself stiffen under his hateful stare. "You know I would never do that to you", she says, and he knows. He wants to apologize, but it hurts too much to even think about it. "This was the first time, and…"

"You know what, Jess?", he spits out, interrupting her. He really doesn't want to hear any more. "I really don't care. It's none of my business who you have sex with. I hope _Artie_ makes you happy", he says, spins around on his heels and stomping to his room, slamming the door so hard it made her flinch.

He leaves her standing alone in the kitchen. Ten seconds later and he hears the front door close.

He falls back against his bed and closes his eyes.

He knows he's got some apologizing to do.

* * *

"I slept with Artie", Jess says, barely holding in her tears, her head rolling into the back of the couch.

Cece's mouth gaps open in shock and she bolts to sit up straight, the whole couch bouncing with her sudden, forceful movement.

"Artie? You mean Coffee-House-Artie? Brazil Artie?", she asks, her eyes widening when Jess nods her head. "The Artie Nick punched his way out of your bed? What were you thinking, Jess?", she blurts out, her voice a mix of anger and disbelief.

"I don't know, I don't know, I don't know!", she cries, and lets out a long sigh as she wipes frantically at her eyes. "I ran into him in the street, and it just brought up so many memories with Nick that I just…", she cries out, her eyes pulling frantically at her dress. Cece sits there listening as she tells her how they started talking, how she told him Nick and her were over, and how they ended up in her apartment short after. She looks on the verge of an emotional breakdown, and Cece feels all her pain as it if were her own.

"I thought it would make me forget, Cece", she continues, "This is the dumbest thing I've ever done, dumber than letting Nick go away with Reagan, and now he's angry at me, and…"

"Jess, stop it", Cece interrupts, "come here, babe", she says, and opens her arms for her. When her friend can't see her, she can't help but smile at the thought that after everything, the only thing that truly worries Jess is still Nick and his feelings. _Those idiots_ , she thinks. She lets Jess cry against her shoulder, rhythmically stroking her hair and holding her close, her heart aching for her friend. They don't say anything for a while, and it isn't until her sobs quiet down that Jess lifts her head and smiles sadly at her friend. Cece grabs her hands and squeezes, letting out a sigh.

"I don't know what to say here, Jess", she says. "I mean… Are you planning on seeing him again?", she asks, cringing at herself.

"No! Of course not!", Jess says, her face still red from her tears. "I... God, Cece, I just wanted to forget", she tells her. "And I made everything worse."

Cece simply nods her head in understanding and stands up, walking to the kitchen and grabbing two glasses and a bottle of wine. "Let's forget about this whole Artie thing, shall we?", she says.

Sitting back down, she pours Jess and herself a more than generous amount and hands her one of the glasses.

"But you should have seen Nick, Cece. He was so angry at me", she says, and then proceeds to tell her about his outburst. Her friend listens to her intently, and it's so obvious where his anger was coming from she can't believe Jess would be so blind to it.

"Jess? You still don't know why he came back, do you?", Cece asks, and she has to bite down on her tongue to keep herself from saying what everyone but Jess seems to know.

"He said him and Reagan weren't working out", Jess answers, and gives a small shrug, the mere thought of Reagan making her feel sick. She takes a sip of wine and lets out a sigh, no longer crying. "And he didn't even seem that affected by it", she adds, and tells her how Winston and Nick went _chick-hunting_ the same night Nick came back. Cece bites the inside of her cheeks and nods her head, making a mental note to murder Winston later. Because apparently Jess is really the only one who still believes the whole _it wasn't working out._

"Why don't you just tell him, Jess?", she asks.

"I can't 'just tell him', Cece",she argues, just like her friend knew she would.

"Why not? And don't tell me it's because of Reagan, because she's gone…"

"It's not Reagan", Jess says, "It's just… Too much has happened, and I can't risk our friendship, Cece. I can't risk losing him. After this morning…", she stops herself, the anger and disappointment she saw in his eyes ripping through her heart again. "What if I lose him for good?", she asks, more to herself than to Cece.

"You're not going to lose him, Jess", Cece says. But Jess' mind is too far away.

"I'll get over it", Jess says. "Eventually. I just need some time. Then everything will go back to everything will go back to the way it used to be.""

"Until when, Jess?"

"Besides", she says, ignoring the question. "He's moved on", she repeats for what sounds like the thousandth time. It doesn't hurt any less. "Us getting back together… It's not something that's on his mind. I'll get over it, Cece. I will."

"Jess, honey, you know I love you. But you and I both know that's a lie."

* * *

It's well past midnight when she comes back to the apartment, closing the door slowly behind her. She starts walking to her room when he suddenly comes out of his, and she freezes in the hallway. It's obvious he was waiting for her.

"Jess", he says, and tries to take a step towards her. But when she takes one back, he decides to keep his distance.

"I'm sorry", he apologizes, and his eyes tell her he really is. "I shouldn't have said any of that", he tells her. "I didn't mean any of it", he corrects himself. He watches as her eyes stare back at him, lacking all of the anger and sadness from the morning and showing him nothing but emptiness.

"I'm sorry, Jess…", he needs to make her listen. "I know that you breaking up with Sam was hard, and I shouldn't have judged you like that. I know you'd never…", he starts. But he _still doesn't get it_ , she thinks.

"It was just a one-night thing, Nick", she tells him, and he nods his head at her. She wants to tell him so much, but all she can do is blink to try and keep her tears at bay.

"I just want you to be happy", he says, and that only makes her want to cry even more. "I was surprised to see you moving on with… _Him_ ", he tells her, "but you're my best friend, Jess, and I don't know what came over me", he says, his brain screaming at his lie, and her heart clenching at the word _friend_. "I'm happy to see you moving on from Sam, because I just want to see you happy", he repeats, because right now, that's the only thing he's sure of.

She wants to yell at him, she wants to tell him he's the one that makes her happy, the one she can't move on from.

The one she loves.

But she can't.

She knows he's trying to make things right, but she's tired of fighting herself and her feelings. But it is too much, standing in front of the man she loves and not being able to tell him everything. She shakes her head, trying to clear her thoughts, as he stands there and looks at her. His eyes are still piercing through her and she feels herself stiffen under his stare, afraid that he will be able to see right through her feelings.

"Just… Leave me alone, Nick, please", she mutters weakly, trying to walk past him and into her bedroom.

But when she tries to move past him he grabs her arm and turns her body to him, the too-familiar gesture making her gasp. His eyes meet hers and she can't look away from him, mesmerised by the intensity of his gaze.

"Please, Jess, just tell me we're okay", he pleads, his voice barely above a whisper and his eyes begging her for her forgiveness. And she wants nothing more than to soothe him, to make everything right between them. But she also knows there's nothing right between them anymore.

She gulps down before nodding her head and forcing a smile. She places her hand over his on her arm and gives it a light squeeze, her touch sending shivers through his body.

Her mind goes back to her conversation with Cece, and she knows her friend was right.

She's not getting over it.

She's not getting over him.

She lets go of his hand and nods her head at him.

"We're okay, Nick", she tells him, a shy smile on her lips.

But it's a smile that doesn't reach her eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

****To my reviewer k29: the whole purpose of bringing Artie back is that he actually means something to both Nick and Jess. A random guy wouldn't stir up those feelings (regret in Jess, anger and sadness in Nick); Artie was meant to force those reactions because of his connection to their relationship. Of course Jess wouldn't sleep with him, but when you're in love and hurting, rational thinking is weighed down by the need to drown the pain. She thought Artie would help her heal, sleeping with him only made her realize nothing will make her get over Nick.**

 ****Things will soon start to get better after this, my dear** **roomfriends!**

* * *

Jess tells them she's moving out two months after that.

Things are still far from _normal_ at the loft, everything feels out of place. She wakes up even earlier than usual to get ready for school, showering and having breakfast while Nick is still asleep, and makes sure to get back home when she knows he's already left for work. Even though his position now allows him to enjoy a more flexible work schedule, she still manages to avoid spending time alone with him as much as she can.

But whenever she finds herself alone with him, she can see it in his eyes that he's trying to get her to open up to him. He makes her tea and offers to help her with the mountains of paperwork she brings home from school, and he tries to join in when he spots her baking in the kitchen one evening. He tells her about work, about his brother and his now-pregnant wife ( _can you imagine, Jess, my brother with a baby?_ ), and makes up a thousand jokes and stories to try and make her laugh with him.

And even though she does laugh with him, he feels there's a sadness to her that never seems to go away. He watches her with Winston, and with Cece and Schmidt, and even though she doesn't know he's watching her, he can still see that her smiles don't seem to reach her eyes.

On the weekends, when they all get together at the bar, they're surrounded by their friends and he stays behind the bar longer than he used to, observing her from afar and wrecking his brain trying to figure out what could possibly be wrong.

One morning before school, he surprises her in the kitchen, her eyes widening when she sees him come out of his room and walk straight towards her. He leans casually over the kitchen aisle, pouring himself some coffee and watching as she clumsily tries to open a carton of milk. He asks her again then, he asks her the same question he's asked her over and over. And her answer is still the same, her smile still the same, when she assures him everything is fine.

"I'm just tired", she tells him, when he snatches the milk from her and opens it. She smiles at him and grabs the carton, pouring some milk on her breakfast bowl. "School, you know?"

He sips on his coffee, his eyes burning into her until she looks away. "Hey, want to go to the movies with me later?", he asks. "I can wait for you at the school lot", he offers. "I'll sit on your car's hood."

"I… Can't", she tells him. "I already have plans", she says, "Maybe tomorrow?", she asks, and his whole face lights up.

"Tomorrow, really?", he says, and his surprised tone sends a guilty pain to her chest. _Of course_ , she wants to tell him.

"I, uh… Yeah, sure!", he says. She smiles at him and eats her breakfast in silence, his eyes on her the whole time. She turns away from him and washes the bowl on the sink, drying her hands quickly and walking to the couch, grabbing her schoolbag and waving in his direction before leaving the loft. Once in the street, she pulls out her phone and confirms her appointment.

The idea's been on her head for a while before she makes the call. Two days earlier, she found a one-bedroom apartment not far from the loft, but closer to her school, and decided to write down the agency's number. She calls that same day and sets up an appointment to see the apartment.

She talks to the agent as she walks to her car, the over-enthusiastic man making her cringe through their conversation.

 _Today at 4_ , the voice tells her, _you'll love the place._

* * *

She signs the lease that same afternoon, before she tells anyone.

She talks to Schmidt and Cece first, driving to their new place as soon as she's signed all the paperwork. Schmidt opens the door and his face lights up when he sees her in the doorway. "Come on in, Jessica!", he tells her cheerfully, stepping back so she can follow him inside. She walks with him into their beautifully decorated living room, a brief smile grazing her lips when she notices one of _her_ feeling sticks standing on a table by the couch Cece's sitting on. "Hey, babe", the model smiles, "What are you doing here?".

But her smile falls quickly when she sees the sad look on Jess' face, and a quick glance at Schmidt and she knows he's noticed too. "What is it, Jess?, he asks her, placing a hand on her arm. She opens her mouth to answer but only manages to let out a sad chuckle, and feels Schmidt tightening his grip around her arm. "Why don't you sit down?", he tells her, and gently pushes her towards the couch. She sits down and closes her eyes, her head rolling back momentarily into the back of the couch before she opens her eyes again, both her friends now sitting on each side of her.

Cece grabs her hand, worry written all over her features- an expression that matches the one on Schmidt's face.

"Is it… Is it Nick?", he asks her slowly, and Jess looks at him surprised before she turns to look at her best friend, "Cece!". But her friend just shrugs her shoulders and shakes her head, nodding towards her husband. "He figured out on his own", she says, and Jess rolls her eyes before she looks back at Schmidt, who nods his head at her.

"It was pretty obvious, Jess", he says, and she can't be mad at him when he grabs her other hand and squeezes it between his. "What happened?", he asks her again. Schmidt lets his hand around her shoulders, holding onto her and feeling the silent sobs shaking her body. She looks down at the floor and swallows, the lump in her throat making her choke on her next words.

"I'm moving out", she says.

They beg her to think about it, to not rush into anything.

But two hours later, she's on her car on her way to the loft, ready to face Winston.

But not ready to face _him._

She swerves her car and finds herself driving to the park, and when she spots Tran sitting at the usual bench, she rushes to his side. When she reaches him, he pats the bench next to him and motions for her to join him, nodding his head when she lets herself plop down on the bench.

He arches his eyebrows at her, silently waiting for her to talk to him. The words playing over and over in her head, she almost chokes on them even though it feels like she's said them a hundredth times.

"I'm moving out, Tran", she says, and sees the man widening his eyes in surprise.

"It's the only way", she explains, trying to convince herself. "Us living together isn't working anymore, it doesn't make sense", she says, and sighs when she notices Tran frowning at her.

"What else could I do, Tran?", she argues, needing him to approve of her decision. "I want to keep him in my life", she blurts out, "that's the only thing that matters right now", she says, and misses the glint to his eye as soon as he hears the words.

"But what happens when he starts bringing girls home?", she asks. "He's going to move on with his life eventually", she adds. "And I don't want to see that", she says, and swallows the lump on her throat. Tran keeps staring straight at her, and then he reaches for her hand, silently letting her know he is still there with her.

"Do you understand now?", she asks him. "If I want to move on… I can't keep living with him, Tran. It just brings up too many memories, everything and everywhere reminds me of him", she says, wiping tears she hadn't noticed have started to fall. She sighs and her mind wanders back to their time together, to the places that used to mean something to them.

Tran finally nods at her, and she smiles sadly in his direction. "It will be ok", she says. "Space will do us both good", she tells his, surprising herself at the lack of conviction in her own voice. "It will", she repeats, because she needs it to be true. "We'll still see each other all the time, right?", she asks Tran, watching as he tilts his head and shrugs his shoulders. "Schmidt and Cece don't live with us anymore, and we still see each other all the time", she tells him, his half-hearted nod making her frown.

"It's the only way, Tran", she says again. "I don't know what else to do", she sighs, and they both say nothing for a while. The park around them is quiet, and the night has begun to fall. She turns to look at him and smiles sadly. "I guess I should go tell him."

Tran nods and observes as she stands up and bends over to press a kiss to his cheek.

"He'll understand, won't he?", she whispers against his ear. Tran swallows down and his eyes meet hers when she pulls back. She doesn't need to hear his words to know his answer.


	5. Chapter 5

**Apologies for taking so long. Run out of motivation and ideas, but I promise next chapter will be up much, much sooner. Also, things between Nick and Jess will get not so painful after this. We hit rock bottom with this chapter!**

* * *

She tells Winston she's moving out that same evening, right before he leaves the loft to go meet Aly. Telling him is easier than Jess had thought, mostly because he tells her he'd been expecting her to tell him just that. He shrugs his shoulders and lets out a resigned sigh at her words, pulling her into his arms and giving her a long and lingering hug.

"There's nothing I can say to you that will change your mind, is there?", he whispers against her hair. She smiles sadly on his shoulder and pulls back to look at him, shaking her head.

"There is no other way, Winston", she says, and she puts as much conviction as she can into her words.

He nods his head at her and raises his eyebrows. "Have you told him?", he asks, even though he already knows the answer. His eyes meet hers and she tilts her head to the side. "You have to tell him, Jess", he tells her, and she lets go of him and runs her hands nervously through her hair.

"I know, Winston, I know", she mumbles, and he decides not to say anything else. He stares at her for a couple more seconds before a sad smile appears on his face. He rests his hand on her shoulder and squeezes lightly, not missing the way her eyes are darting around them. "I told him I would go to the movies with him tonight, but I have to tell him first", she says, still looking around.

"Nick's not here yet…", Winston says, and she lets out a relieved sigh. She needs time to think before facing him. "…but I'm supposed to go meet Aly. Are you ok to be alone?", he asks her. "I could call Aly and…"

"No, don't", she says. "Go have fun. I think it's best if I just tell him…", she doesn't finish her sentence. But she doesn't need to. Winston smiles at her and leans forward, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "See you tomorrow, right?", he teases, a tinge of worry to his voice.

"Of course!", she tells him, punching his arm jokingly. "Hey, we will still see each other all the time, ok?", she says, "I promise."

He smiles at her, this time a true smile. He nods his head and walks to the door, pausing right after he opens it. "Call me if you need anything, alright?", he says, and waits until she nods before he closes the door behind him.

She looks around herself and lets out another long, tired sigh. The apartment is quiet, totally dark were if not for the light that is coming through the windows. She walks to the lamp by the TV and turns it on, before she turns around and plops down on the couch. She buries her face between the cushions and tries to relax her body, the tension from the last few weeks shuddering on her. But ten minutes later, and after a very unsuccessful attempt to plan a let's-tell-Nick strategy, she stands up and goes into her room, closing the door softly behind her before she starts pacing around and fidgeting with herself. She hears the front door open and close and freezes on the spot, her eyes settling on her door waiting for what she knows is next.

"Jess?", his voice comes through her door right before he knocks on it. She sees the doorknob turn and her door pushes open, his head poking through. He smiles at the sight of her and walks into the room, dressed in jeans and her favorite black button down of his. She meets his eyes and tries to smile back, but the knot on her throat feels too tight and she has to shake her head to try and regain control of her thoughts. She stares down at her feet and closes her eyes tight for a second before she opens them again.

"There you are. Are you ready to go?", he asks, now standing right in front of her with a smile too big to notice the look on her face. Or so she thinks, right before his eyes meet hers again and the smile immediately falls from his face. He takes another step towards her, and she fights the impulse to take one back. He looks at her and a deep frown settles on his face, and he has to stop himself from reaching out and grabbing her hand. She sees it in his eyes that he can see right through her feelings, but this time she is unable to look away from him. "What is it, Jess?", he asks, his voice tingled with worry and uncertainty.

She looks down at her hands, now gripping her dress nervously. She opens her mouth to answer him, but cuts herself off before any words come out. Her eyes fill with tears and she can only let out a sad chuckle.

"I just…", she starts, only to interrupt herself again. It's then that he takes one final step forward, his hands reaching for hers. She looks down at their now joined fingers and distantly hears him asking her again what's wrong. But her mind is too far away, her ears buzzing, and she can hear herself blurting out the words that make his heart stop in his chest. His eyes widen in surprise and disbelief and he lets go of her hands as if he'd caught fire. She can see his breathing has sped up, and now he's the one that seems to be struggling to get the words out.

"You're what?", he asks on a shaky whisper. He's looking at her like she's just ripped his heart out. The look on her face tells him it wasn't a joke, nor did he not hear her right. He knows she said exactly what he heard, but when her lips open again he feels a wave of nausea sweeping over him.

"I'm moving out", he hears her say, and it doesn't hurt any less to hear it again. His eyes are fixed on her, and the way he's looking at her is making her insides twist. There's a mix of surprise and confusion on his face, but as he keeps looking at her, she sees a flash of anger cross his face.

"What have I done to you, Jess?", he asks her suddenly and bluntly, his voice louder and stronger as he feels the rage starting to rush through him. Because he's tired, and it's been way too long since he's been dealing with her vague answers and her trying to avoid him.

"Nothing, Nick", she answers, the speech she'd pulled together in her head making its way almost mechanically through her lips. "This is something I've been planning for a while, I just didn't know how to tell you…", she jabbers, and goes on to rant a number of reasons that he just can't listen to. He hears her saying that it's the only way, that they need to move on, that it's the best for both of them. "… Us living together doesn't make sense anymore, Nick", she tells him then.

He grabs her shoulders and shakes her then, his anger now too far gone to notice the shiver that shoots through her body as soon as his hands touch her bare skin. She feels the air leave her lungs and lets out a gasp, breathing hard and feeling the blood pounding in her hears. She curses herself mentally and tries to steady herself, his strong grip around her making her bring her eyes up to meet his.

"Don't", he interrupts her with a growl, making every nerve in her body throb and her mouth immediately close shut. He's staring down at her, and she feels like her knees might give out. She's unable to look away from him, entranced by the intensity in his gaze. It's been years since he's looked at her like that, and she feels her self-erected walls starting to crumble under his penetrating stare.

"You and I both know it's not just that", he continues, somehow pulling her out of her trance. The conviction in his statement and the feel of his hands make her swallow the lump on her throat. "You've been acting strange ever since I came back. You've barely talked to me at all and now you're just moving out?", he asks, and she can feel the anger that his words don't even try to hide. "Why now?", he says. She opens her mouth to answer him, but the intensity of it all leaves her unable to put together a coherent sentence. She feels a tear sliding down her face and sniffs through her heartbreak.

"What is it, Jess?", he asks then, his hands still on her bare skin. His voice is more gentle now, but it has a desperate edge to it. "Please, just talk to me", he pleads. He feels his heart pounding like crazy in his chest and he can hear the desperation in his own voice, but he doesn't care. Her body is trembling under his hands, and he knows she's trying not to cry, but he has to stop her. He has to get her to stay.

"There's nothing else to say, Nick", she insists, "I've told you everything", she lies, rolling her fists and blinking hard to stop the tears from falling. "The last thing I want to do is hurt you", she tells him, and that's the one thing she's sure of. She's also sure that she's never loved him more than she loves him right in this moment, which strangely makes her even more sure of her decision.

"Then please, just… Stay", he begs her, hurt etched all over his face. "Please, Jess", he says again. And although she wants nothing more than to let him persuade her into staying, she feels herself shaking her head. She knows she can't take it anymore, but it doesn't make her feel any less guilty to see the look on his face.

But she can't stay anymore.

"I can't, Nick", she tells him, and he knows the tone in her voice well enough to know that she's not changing her mind.

He steps back and away from her then, his eyes completely darkened at her words. Her skin feels cold the moment his hands leave her, and she has to stop the sob that is threatening to burst out of her chest. She wants nothing more than to reach for him, but the look in his eyes warns her to keep her distance.

"Nick…", she tries, but he just takes another step away from her. He hears her repeat what she says are her reasons, but they all fall flat to his ears.

He closes his eyes tightly at the sound of her voice, before he opens them again and she's met with his ice cold stare. She stops talking then, the emptiness she sees in them something she's never seen before. Without another look at her, he turns around and leaves her room, slamming the door close behind him. She stays frozen on the spot, her brain still processing, until the sound on the front door being slammed closed too makes her jump. Her knees finally give out on her and she collapses on the floor, drawing her legs to her chest and burying her face in the crook of her arms, and she lets herself cry until she can't anymore.


	6. Tran

**I'm going on vacation for a couple weeks, so there will be a small hiatus after this chapter. But I hope it's what people wanted to see: Tran saving the day- as prompted to me on Tumblr (you can check the original post here: post/144777072352/tran-has-never-said-a-word-on-new-girl-i-want-his)**

 **Let me know your thoughts!**

* * *

A week later, Jess' room is scattered with boxes, rolls of duct tape and a pair of scissors next to her on the floor, where she is meticulously folding her clothes and piling them carefully inside one of the boxes.

Nick comes out of his room and walks silently to her doorframe, resting against it and watching her back as she sits on the floor, her long curls pulled up on a messy ponytail with strands of hair falling around her face. He keeps staring at her back, watching her every movement in silence until she suddenly stops moving. He sees her shoulders drop as she places the duct tape on the floor, and he knows she knows he's watching her.

She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, scared to turn around and not see him there. But when she does turn around, her eyes immediately meet his. She hasn't seen him since their fight, and so her heart skips a beat when she sees him there. She slowly raises on to her knees and pushes herself to her feet, and he doesn't move when she stands up and takes a step towards him. His eyes are still fixed on her, but his mind is far away.

"Nick…", she starts, and it's the sound of her voice that snaps him out of his trance. A deep frown settles on his face and his eyes darken as he keeps staring at her, and before she has a chance to say anything he's pushed himself away from the doorframe and turned around, walking to his room and slamming the door behind him without a word. She stares at the wood for a moment before she lets out a sigh and turns around, sinking to the floor and closing another box. She thinks of going to him, of trying to talk to him again, but she knows it will be useless. She tries to convince herself that he will eventually wrap his head around the whole thing and so she keeps on packing her things.

She's just stepped inside her closet to start organizing her many hats when she hears his door open, but he's out of the loft before she can think of following him. She thinks he's probably going to the bar, since it seems that's become his favorite place in the last few days since he's been avoiding her.

But this time, she couldn't have been more wrong.

* * *

He's been sitting alone on the bench for over an hour when Tran shows up, silently moving to sit next to him while his kind eyes stare at him. It's been almost five months since he last visited Tran, and so much has happened since then he doesn't even know where to start.

Nick doesn't say anything for some time, too lost in his own thoughts to vocalize them. But again, there's one thought above all others. One that has been on his mind since before he came back, since way before he left with Reagan, for longer than he cares to remember. He came to the conclusion that it was hopeless to try to deny it any longer months ago, but everything seemed to have changed so much that he isn't sure what the right thing to do is anymore.

"It's Jess", he says after a while, and of course it is. There are a million things on his head, but they all come down to her. Tran just nods his head, and Nick lets out a humorless laugh and keeps on talking. "There was this girl, Reagan- I thought she could be _the one_ , you know?", he says, and can't help but shake his head at himself.

"Jess basically convinced her to date me. And we did, we were together for some time, not a long time…", he tells him. The memories are surprisingly dizzy on his head, and he finds himself struggling to remember those weeks in details. "I went with her to New Orleans, you know? Me, Nick Miller, I left everything behind and followed her to New Orleans. I thought we could make it work out, but I just… I had to come back, Tran", he says, and completely misses the smile that crosses the older man's eyes even before he can say his next words. "Because I needed to see Jess."

Tran nods his head, urging him to go on, his hands resting on his lap and the smile not leaving his face.

"This girl, Reagan, she was… She was everything any man could want. But me? All I could think about was Jess", he says then, and it's the first time he's said it out loud.

"When I came back, she was so happy to see me, man. The way her eyes just lit up when she opened the door… Fuck, she was so happy", he sighs, "and that's when I knew, Tran. I could never be happy with Reagan, because there was Jess." He swallows hard and his hands fists his jeans.

"It's always been Jess," he says. _It's always been Jess,_ he thinks, and lets out a pained chuckle. "I came back and I was so ready to try and win her back, because I'm just…"

Tran keeps nodding his head and smiling, but Nick doesn't see it.

"I'm in love with her", he says. "Fuck, I'm in love with her," he repeats, and he doesn't know whether to laugh or cry at his own statement. Because it's so obvious but it feels so good to say it out loud again after everything that's happened.

No longer looking at his friend, Nick lets his eyes wander through the park. There's a couple of kids running in the distance, and a couple is shyly kissing in a nearby bench. It only makes his stomach churn in pain, and he thinks back to that one afternoon when he took her to that same park and they kissed for what felt like hours in that same bench. Then his memories jump forward and her teary eyes and flushed cheeks cut through his heart like a knife. _I'm in love with her,_ he thinks, and the fact that everything seems to have gone so wrong between them makes him sad and angry all at once.

"I don't know, Tran", he sighs. "I really don't know what's wrong. One day we're fine, we're laughing, we're friends… And then she suddenly won't even look at me. And then… Then she tells me she's moving out", he tells him, and swallows the lump that has been in his throat for longer that he can remember. "She's leaving, Tran", he says, and hearing it out loud makes it even more painful. "I don't know what else to do, and I just don't understand what… She means… She means the world to me and I don't…".

When Tran grabs his hand and yanks him forward, interrupting his words, the girlish scream he lets out would make him feel very embarrassed were if not for the look he sees in the older man's eyes.

Nick shuts his mouth immediately, and feels his face contorting into a deep frown as he stares at the determined expression on his friend's face.

"She loves you, dumb boy", is all he says. His deep, rarely used voice is accentuated by a thick accent, but the simple sentence carries a clear meaning.

Nick opens his mouth to answer before his brain registers the words. _She what?_

But Tran just smiles and nods his head, and lets go of his hand. Nick looks down at it and then back up at Tran, and _she what?_

"She loves me?", he whispers, more to himself than to Tran. His mind replays the last few months over and over in his head, the fighting, her behavior around him, and her moving out. Leaving him.

"No, that's not it", he says, and it hurts to even say the words. "That can't be it. We broke up years ago, and she's moved on. She was the one that got Reagan to date me, so just… Why would she do that? She would never do that if she loved me, it doesn't make sense", he tries to reason with himself. "And now she's moving out, why would she do that?"

"Because she loves you, dumb boy", Tran repeats, and then a smile lights up his whole face. "She loves you, she thinks you are happy", he concludes, and Nick's breathing gets stuck in his throat when it hits him that he's right.

Because that's exactly what Jess would do.

 _I'm tired of you being the only person that doesn't realize how incredible you are, Nick._

Those words come rushing back to him, the broken look on her face as her sad eyes looked up at him burning through him. The way she looked at him right before she waved them goodbye at the door. He had simply assumed she was sad because of her and Sam breaking up again.

But it was never because of Sam.

It was because of _him._

And then suddenly everything makes sense. The looks in her eyes, the sad faces, the way she'd avoided him ever since he came back... Artie. _Reagan_ , he thinks, and his heart breaks when he remembers it was Jess that convinced her to date him.

 _Reagan._

It dawns on him then, it dawns on him that Tran is right, and just the though of Jess hurting because of him in a way that he knows too well wants to make him rip his heart out.

 _Jess loves me_ , he thinks, and feels his heart break into pieces.

Because he remembers how he felt with Ryan, and how he felt with Sam, and how he felt in between- and the idea of her hurting in that way is too much for him to bear.

Because he knows how it feels.

And the thought that Tran is right, that Jess loves him, makes him want to scream and cry all at once. _Jess loves me,_ he thinks, and runs a hand through his hair. He wants to laugh and cry, he wants to yell and run to her. _She's moving out_ , he thinks, and he knows he has to stop her.

 _She thinks I don't… She doesn't know I…_

He jumps from the bench and turns around, and before he realizes it his feet are carrying him towards his car. It's not until after he's already driving away from the park that he remembers Tran was sitting with him, but he'll apologize some other time.

Right now, he needs to make things right.

Right now, there's only one place he needs to be at.


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry about the delay in getting this chapter out. I went away on holidays and then back home I had to spend a few days at the hospital. I hope this extra-long chapter makes up for the wait! You might wanna reread last chapter to recap.**

* * *

He parks his car in front of their building and jumps out of it, almost tripping in his haste to get to her. He decides to take the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator, the reality of what he's about to do descending on him as his feet carry him blindly towards her. He's just walked into the apartment and kicked the door shut when he hears the music coming from Jess' room, and he freezes on the spot when he recognizes the song. He feels his eyes closing, the words echoing in his ears as his breathing speeds up again.

 _Sometimes it snows in April_

 _Sometimes I feel so bad_

 _Sometimes, sometimes I wish that life was never ending_

 _But all good things, they say, never last._

He slowly walks up to her door and presses his trembling palms against it, trying to slow down his breathing and his nerves. He rests his forehead against her door, the tune softly playing behind it. But the need to see her suddenly becomes too overwhelming for him to wait another second.

He yanks her door open without knocking and sees her standing by her old turntable, her finger tracing the edges of it and her cheeks stained with tears. His eyes are burning into her and his heart is beating so fast he feels like it were about to jump out of his chest. But it doesn't matter, it doesn't fucking matter because she's all that matters right now. She's looking at him with a surprised look on her face, her hands immediately going up to her face to dry her tears. His eyes are glued to her, watching her every move.

 _Are you in love with me?_ He's dying to ask her. But when her eyes meet his he doesn't need to ask. Because he sees it then, he sees what he's been blind to.

And he stops wondering if maybe Tran was wrong, if maybe she doesn't love him.

He stops wondering because he doesn't need to ask her. Because her eyes are still glued to his and the pain behind them is a dead give away.

He walks up to her then, dodging his way through the boxes that are already scattered around the room, and before she can try to protest and yell at him to get out of her room, he grabs her by the hips and pulls her to him, her eyes widening in surprise and a gasp escaping her just before his lips crash against hers. He pushes her back until her body hits the closet door, but he doesn't stop when she lets out a small yelp at the sudden contact. His mouth opens against hers, groaning as he swallows her soft sigh and holds onto her hips.

Her stillness makes him terrified that she's going to push him away, her hands flat against his chest and her body completely rigid, but then his heart skips a beat when he feels her hands slide up and go around his neck. He kisses her with every fiber of his being then, her fingers grabbing at his hair while his hands seem unable to decide where to touch her. He compromises by touching her everywhere his hands can reach while making sure his lips don't stop moving against hers.

"I know, Jess", is all he says, and she's all flustered and her lips are red and wonderfully swollen. She looks up at him and he can see the confusion on her face, but he kisses her again and the way she just melts against him pains his heart. He lets his hands roam down her back and she moans against his lips, her own arms trying to bring him impossibly closer to her. He reluctantly pulls back, resting his forehead against hers and watching as she finally opens her eyes to look at him.

" _I know_ ", he repeats then, while she's still trying to catch her breath.

But the thought that she doesn't know, that she doesn't know what she means to him makes up his mind. _She needs to know now,_ he thinks, and presses one last kiss to her lips before pulling away from her. She lets out a soft groan of protest and he can't help but smile, giving her hands a little squeeze between his before letting go. He walks to the turntable and turns off her music, but it's only seconds before he's standing in front of her again.

"What…?", she starts, the first words she's said to him since he burst in her room. But he just presses a finger to her lips and she quiets down.

"Come with me", he says then, and turns around and tugs on her hand, making her follow him until they reach his room. He doesn't stop walking until they're both standing next to his bed, and then he lets go of her hand and takes a deep breath, smiling at her. He digs in his pocket, muttering out a curse when his fingers don't find what he's looking for straight away. She watches him silently, and when he smiles at her again her eyes drop to his now open palm. He motions for her to extend her hand and places a cold, shiny object in the center of her palm.

Jess looks down and her eyes immediately fill with tears, and she doesn't need him to explain anything else because she knows exactly what it is. And she knows exactly what it means.

"I've never not carried it with me, Jess", he says. His hands frame her face and he waits until her eyes meet his, her tears wetting his palms. "Every single day", he tells her, and the bright smile on his face makes her let out a strangled half sob, half chuckle. She tightens her grip around the coin and lets her other hand fist the shirt at his waist, and his thumbs sweep under her eyes to dry them.

"Why didn't you tell me?", he asks her softly. He's still mad at himself for not seeing it from the beginning, but he asks her anyways.

"Because I was scared", she says, and her voice comes out filled with emotion, the feel of his hands against her skin keeping her heart beating harder and faster. "I was scared that you wouldn't feel the same, or that you…", she tells him, and his hands slide down to cup hers and give them a comforting squeeze. His eyes are burning into her, offering a warm and encouraging stare for her to go on. "That you would still choose Reagan", she finishes, and Nick feels his stomach kicking him from the inside.

He decides that he's done listening right there, the need to explain everything too strong to keep quiet anymore. He lets go of her hands and turns around, walking to his nightstand and rummaging through it before turning back around, his hand made into a tight fist. Her confused look turns into a curious one as she eyes his actions.

"There's one more thing…", he says, walking up to her again. And he knows now it's possibly not the best time, and there's also a tiny voice in his head that yells at him and tries to warn him that he's probably going to freak her out, but it's not nearly loud enough to stop him.

"I bought this two days after we first kissed", he tells her, and she can't stop the sob that leaves her throat. "And I've kept it here ever since that day", he continues, the little box firmly grasped in his hand. And he's going to tell her everything _now._ He knows he should be scared, but he's so tired and desperate for her to understand that he swallows his heart down and keeps talking.

"It was you, Jess", he says, "It was you all along", he tells her, and holds onto her hand. He opens his palm for her to see the velvet box that leaves no room for questions. She lets out a quiet sob and bites down on her lip, and wonders if the last half an hour was a dream because there's no other explanation to what is going on between them. He feels his own eyes starting to prick with unshed tears, but he keeps going because it's time for him to be completely honest with her. "Now I'm not going to ask you right now", he says, smiling at her until she lets out a choked laugh. "But I'm going to keep it right there", he adds, and points back at the nightstand. His expression turns into a more serious one, and he places his finger on her chin and holds her stare until her smile falls from her face.

"You are the reason why I came back, Jess. You are the reason why I couldn't do it." He watches her eyes widen in surprise and feels a rush of confidence running through him. He grabs her hand and notices her whole body is shaking with repressed emotion. But he keeps talking- he's already wasted enough time.

"Because every morning when I woke up, it was you that I thought about. Because all I could do was think about your face when I told you I was leaving, because all I could do was think about how it was not what I wanted. I wanted you to stop me, Jess", he says, and she's no longer trying to stop the tears falling from her eyes. "That's why it didn't work out, Jess."

"Nick, I…", she weakly tries, but he shakes his head at her. Her eyes are going back and forth between his and the box in his hand, and he just needs to get it all out _now._ He squeezes her hand in his and sees her slowly nod at him.

"Just let me finish", he speaks, "Fuck, Jess… If I'd had the slightest idea that you still… I would have never left, Jess. I would have never done it", he says, and he needs her to understand that. Letting go of her hand, he opens the lid and turns the box around to show her. The look on her face tells him she's half stunned, half on the verge of an emotional break down.

"This is the only thing I could think about, Jess", he says, and he's never been so honest in his life. "But I never thought that you… Jess, I never thought that you would…", he tries, but he's so nervous and so in love and so overwhelmed that his hands have started to shake. He closes the lid and throws the ring box next to them on his bed, trying to organize his thoughts to tell her everything. "I'll keep that in my nightstand for now, Jess. But if you want to give this _, us,_ another chance… That ring won't stay there for long", he says, and she yanks her head up in surprise. But he just smiles at her and gives a little shrug of his shoulders.

"It's always been you, Jess", he tells her, "right from the beginning". It's right then that she decides she's heard enough, and when he starts talking again she presses her hands against his chest and interrupts him.

"Shut up, Nick", she pants out. It comes out all breathless, her face red with dry tears and her eyes puffy and bright, her hair messy from his hands running through it. And she's never looked more beautiful to him than in this moment.

"No", he tries to argue, "because I'm not done. There's still something else I need to tell you… Actually, there are a few things I need to tell you", he tells her, but her next words interrupt him before he can say anything else.

"I love you", she says then, and he wants to cry because he never thought he'd heard those words again. "Nick, I love you, and I should have told you, and I'm sorry…", she says, and her voice is shaking but she can't stop talking. And he wants to be slightly bothered that she said it first, but he also just needs to kiss her right now.

He grabs the back of her head and pulls her forward until her lips crash against his. His fingers tug at her hair and she wraps her arms around his neck, her body molding into his. She's crying while he kisses her, but when he pulls back to look at her he sees nothing but happiness in her eyes. She smiles brightly at him and he lets out a relieved chuckle, automatically leaning in to kiss her cheeks, neck, anywhere his lips can reach.

"Is this real?" she says, her whisper vibrating against his lips nipping at her throat. Nick just smiles and feathers kisses along her neck up until he reaches her mouth, kissing her sweetly and silently answering her question.

She pulls back from him and her eyes fall to the bed beside them, the ring box lying there and a million questions start to race through her head. His eyes follow hers and he gently loosens his grip around her.

"About that…", he starts. But before he can say anything else, his door bursts open and Schmidt comes through it, grinning from ear to ear and looking thoroughly pleased with himself.

"Jess?", he asks, his grin morphing into a confused frown when he notices her. She lets out a sigh that matches Nick's annoyed huff, Schmidt's frown deepening at his two friends. He stares at them for a moment longer before his eyes twinkle in recognition.

 _"Did I interrupt something?"_


	8. The Lived Happily

**Sorry this one took me so long. It's almost 5,000 words long, so I hope that somehow makes up for it. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Six months later…**

She can't stop thinking about it. Every time they're alone, no matter where or when, she gets this butterflies in her stomach because _he's going to propose._ So much has happened in the last few months since they got back together- Nick is still pinching himself at the fact that she agreed to move in together into the apartment she had originally leased for herself.

They spend the next two months decorating the apartment, which means a lot of planning, shopping and shaking credit cards. But the night they're finally, finally _done,_ enjoying a glass of wine on their new leather couch, she rests her back against his chest and takes a deep breath, his hand sliding under her shirt to trace slow circles against her stomach and she's as happy as she's been in a really long time.

But.

 _But._

The cute little voice in her head that is usually busy either singing or overthinking everything seems determined to keep reminding her about a certain ring she knows he keeps in a certain velvet box. Where, she doesn't know- yes, she's tried to find it a bunch of times but he's way ahead of her, no trace of it in sight. But knowing he has it, knowing a proposal has been in his plans all along, makes it impossible for her to stop thinking about it. Or being permanently alert, for that matter.

They're having dinner and chatting on the couch, her legs resting on his thighs and his left hand caressing her calf, when suddenly he goes all quiet and stares at her for a couple seconds. His eyes are burning into her, his hand stopping its motion on her leg, and she straightens up her body.

 _He's going to propose now,_ she thinks. She gulps down and stares back at him, a smile on her lips as she looks back adoringly at him. But he just smiles back at her and goes back to talking, grabbing for another slice of pizza and oblivious to the confused look on her face. She shakes her head and tries to listen to what he's telling her, internally laughing at herself because _he's obviously not proposing while you're having pizza._

 _He's obviously not proposing while showering together either,_ she thinks, but they're under the warm water stream when he suddenly stops chuckling with her and presses a slow kiss to her lips, his eyes burning into her again and walking her back until they bump into the shower wall. He rests his forehead against hers and looks down at her face, and she swears he can probably hear her heart about to jump out of her chest. He closes the gap between them and presses his lips to hers, swallowing her moan and smiling into the kiss. He breaks away and kisses the tip of her nose, and she lets out a happy chuckle because she's never been so in love with him. The water keeps falling around them, his hands sliding down her arms and grabbing for her hands. Without turning around, he reaches for the tap and turns it off, before letting his fingers tangle with hers again. He guides her left hand up to his lips and presses a kiss on her ring finger, his lips lingering on her skin. Her eyes widen when she sees his arm reaching through the shower curtain and she knows _it's gotta be now, he's reaching for the ring, it's happening now_ … But then he smiles and drops her hand, pulling his arm back in the shower and holding her towel. She wants to hit him when his arms go around her, wrapping her in the towel and holding her body to him, hiding a knowing smile against her wet hair.

He takes her out to dinner on their (second) half-year anniversary. He doesn't want to tell her where he's taking her, but he tells her to dress up nicely. She rummages through her clothes until her hand rests against a dress she knows will bring many memories back when he sees her in it. She pulls it over her head and walks barefoot to the mirror, smoothing her hands down the dress and stepping into her black heels. She takes a look at herself and smiles, because she just knows _it's happening tonight._ She closes her eyes and tries to imagine how he'll do it – _will he get down on one knee? will he tell the waiter to hide the ring in her dessert? Or in her glass of champagne?_

His knock on the door pulls her out of her thoughts, and she turns around just as he walks into the room, stopping at the sight of her as recognition flashes through his face. She walks slowly towards him, his eyes glued to her as he gulps down his heart.

"Woah", he breathes, and a cocky smile grazes her lips when she comes to stand right in front of him and his arms automatically slide around her waist, rubbing the soft material of her red dress.

"Do you like my dress?", she whispers against his cheek, the subtle smell of his aftershave lingering in her nostrils. She mentally high-fives herself when his eyes travel up and down her body, his hands resting possessively on her.

"You look beautiful", Nick says, his voice low and raspy. His eyes meet hers and he smiles lovingly at her, her hands fixing his tie. "You look look va-va-va-vavooms!" he tells her, motioning down at her dress and making her chuckle. "Hello, nurse!", he laughs, and she bats her hand playfully against his chest. "Shut up", she giggles, tilting her head to let him press his lips to her jaw. He trails kisses up to her ear, a shiver running through her body when she feels his lips graze her earlobe.

"You look beautiful", he tells her again, and pulls back to look at her. "No thermos this time though, ok?", he jokes, his mouth turning into that half smirk that makes her heart tingle. "This is our special night", he says, and _Oh. My. God._ She lets him grab her hand and follows him out of the room, smiling up at him when he helps her into her coat before he turns around and reaches for his.

 _Calm down_ , she mentally scolds herself, forcing her lips into a smile right as he opens the door for them. "Ready?", he asks her.

She nods her head frantically and he chuckles, his hand at the small of her back guiding her through the door.

 _She has no idea what's coming._

* * *

By the time get back to their apartment, her proposal expectations are severely crushed. She's disappointed at herself for being disappointed in the night, because she knows it was absolutely perfect. Somehow Nick had managed to get them into the exact same table where they had their real first date, and she had also somehow managed to not burst into tears right there. All through dinner he'd been extra sweet to her, the look of adoration on his eyes keeping her heart rate through the roof. But soon dinner was over, dessert was over, and her ringless hand was holding onto his arm as they made their way inside their apartment.

He lets her walk in first and steps in behind her, locking the door behind them and checking his watch. _Perfect._ She removes her coat and drops it on the couch, watching him hang his by the door. Then he turns around and she smiles at him, and they're quiet for a moment before she starts making her way back to him. She wraps her arms around his shoulders and presses her lips to him, smiling as his hands immediately settle on her hips as he draws her closer. She pulls back and starts kissing his neck tenderly, and feels his hands come up to her jaw and gently stop her movements. She looks up at him questioningly, her lips slightly swollen and her eyes as big as ever.

"You're so beautiful", he whispers, and now it's him that is kissing her. He grabs her hips and turns them around, walking backwards until her back hits the door. She moans and tilts her hips into him, and he groans and slides one thigh between hers, his lips now trailing down her neck and closing over her pulse point. An even louder moan escapes her lips and she fists his shirt in her hands, tucking it out of his jeans and pressing her fingers to his skin. He groans against her and his lips work their way down her neck, and his mouth is hovering over her clothed breast, and she's holding her breath, and his phone is ringing.

 _His phone is ringing._

He pulls away from her and she wants to scream in frustration at the sudden loss of warm, but the annoyed look on his face makes her smile in sympathy. He yanks the offending object out of his pocket and presses it to his ear, his frown deepening as he answers.

"What?"

She sees him roll his eyes and bites back a laugh, watching his expression change from annoyed to surprised to pissed off.

"Oh, shit", he says. He bites the inside of his cheeks and wills himself to calm down, pretending to be carefully listening to the voice coming through the phone. "Well, can't somebody else do it?", he groans, and almost feels bad at the confusion evident on her face. Almost. "Fine. _Fine_. I'll be right there", he says, her eyes widening at his words. He hangs up and forces a downcast expression.

"Jess, babe, I gotta go into the bar", he explains, and she rolls her head back and lets out an annoyed grunt. So much for _the perfect night._

"What happened?", she says, and she can hear the whine in her voice. But there's obviously someone Up There that hates her a lot.

"Mike messed up the schedule for tomorrow and we need one more person to cover the night shift. I have to get there before closing time or there will be nobody covering that shift tomorrow…", he says, flinching as her face falls at his words. "I'm sorry, I know it's our anniversary…" he tells her, reaching for her hands and giving them a squeeze, "I'll be done soon, I promise", he says, and cringes at the clear disappointment in her eyes.

"It's not your fault", she sighs, shrugging her shoulders in defeat. "Wake me up when you come back, ok?", she says, rising on her toes to press a kiss to his cheek. He immediately moves his head towards her, stopping her when she goes to pull away and bringing her in for a tight hug. She buries her nose in his neck and closes her eyes, her arms around his neck as she presses herself as close to him as possible.

"I love you", he whispers into her hair. She feels him move back and press a kiss to the top of her head, pulling back to look at her. "I'll be back soon, alright?", he says, letting go of her and grabbing for his coat. He turns back around at her with a sheepish smile on his face, before yanking the door open and practically running out of the apartment.

"I love you too!", Jess yells, the slamming of the door drowning her voice. She rolls her eyes and turns to the empty apartment, kicking her heels aside and padding barefoot to the bedroom, placing her purse down on the bedside table. Reaching behind, she unzips her dress and lets it pool at her feet, bending over to pick it up and walking to the closet. She grabs for her pajamas before a silver bag catches her eye, and she lets out a chuckle and rummages inside. She pulls out a lacy, black nightgown Cece convinced her to buy just for the occasion.

 _Maybe I'll put this on instead,_ she grins at herself, discarding her bra and slipping the delicate piece over her head, watching it slide down her body until it rests mid-thigh. She lets her hands linger on the soft material and walks to the mirror, taking a long look at herself. A smile crosses her face when she pictures the look on Nick's face when he sees her in it. She slips into her black heels and walks to the bed, laying in the middle right as her phone starts beeping. She stretches out on the mattress and rummages through her purse, fishing out the phone and frowning as she sees the name that is flashing on the screen.

"J-Jess?"

"Hey, what is it?", she says, and she knows _something's not right._

"Aly and I had a big fight", she hears Winston say, choking in tears.

"What? What happened?", she asks, sitting up straight in bed.

"It's just…. It's…", she hears him try. But then, "I know it's late, and I know it's your anniversary, but Cece and Schmidt are not picking up and I didn't know where to go and…I really need a friend, Jess. Can you please come?", he ramble-cries into the phone, his abnormally high-pitched tone making her hold the phone away from her ear for a moment.

"Where are you now?"

"Aly was helping me pack the last of my stuff in the loft", he manages to say, between his wailing cries and hiccups fits. "Please, come!"

"Of course!", Jess says, jumping out of bed. She looks down at herself and decides getting out of her sexy outfit is not a priority, choosing to just button up her thickest coat over it. It's for a moment that she forgets about what was supposed to be her and Nick's special night, but then she yanks their bedroom door open, the past few hours flashing through her head and make her stop dead in her tracks. Letting out an almost inaudible sigh, she closes her eyes and tries to listen to the voice in her head that tells her that _this is just another night._

"Jess? Are you there?", Winston's cracked voice pulls her out of her thoughts, and she shakes her head when she hears his sobs starting to come through the phone again.

Her friend needs her, and he needs her now.

"Yeah, sure. I'll be there in no time."

* * *

Her cab pulls up in front of the familiar building ten minutes later. She jumps out of it and runs inside the building, her finger insistently pressing the elevator button. The door slides open and she slips into the elevator, pulling out her phone to quickly text Nick about the change in their already ruined plans.

 _Winston called, Aly problems. Took a cab, I'm at the old loft._

She opens the perpetually unlocked front door and closes it quietly behind her. The apartment is practically empty, a few boxes scattered around and the old, worn out leather couch the only things in sight. "Winston?" she calls out. She walks into a completely dark and silent hallway, a dim light coming through the windows. "Winston?", she calls again, the sound of her heels on clicking on the floor as she moves through the loft, rushing until she reaches his bedroom.

She knocks softly and waits for answer that doesn't come. Frowning, she pushes the door open and frowns, the room as empty as the rest of the apartment- only a naked mattress on the floor.

She pulls out her phone and dials his number, looking around herself again. He picks up on the third ring, and she catches her breath just in time. "Winston?"

"Hello?", he says, calmly and quietly.

"Where are you?", she asks, her eyes scanning the room.

"Where are _you_?", he retorts, his voice remarkably cooler and deeper than before.

"I'm in the loft! In your room!", she lets out a confused sigh, and taps her heels on the floor.

"Ah, good", he says then, a cheerful chuckle coming through the phone right before she hears the line go dead. _What the…_

She dials his number again and barks into the phone when he picks up. "Is this one of your pranks, Winston?" she yells, "I swear, if you made me come here this late…"

"It's not a prank", he chuckles, interrupting her. "Love ya, Jess!", he giggles, and hangs up again. _What the…?_

 _I'm going to kill him._

She lets out a sigh and feels her eyes starting to well up with tears, the exhaustion and disappointment of her _perfect-night-gone-wrong_ taking its toll on her. She sits down on his Winston's mattress, taking her coat off and laying it beside her, and takes a moment to collect herself, breathing slowly until she feels the tears under control. She doesn't realize how long she's been sitting there until she lifts her head and the clock on his nightstand tells her she's been there for almost twenty minutes. Standing up slowly, she swipes her fingers under her eyes, wiping any trace of tears, and shoots a quick text to Nick. She checks the time on her screen again and a sad smile forms on her lips, only a half hour for the day to be over.

"Hopefully he's done by now", she mutters to herself, "maybe he can help me kill Winston." She shrugs her coat back on and looks around one more time, rolling her eyes. Walking to the door, she cracks it open and slips through it, making her way through the hallway. _Maybe we'll at least get to go to bed together_ , she thinks, and suddenly the only thing she wants to do is get a long night sleep cuddled against him. She's too engrossed in her own thoughts to notice the light coming from the living room, and she freezes on the spot when she notices someone standing by the front door.

Someone that isn't Winston.

"Hey, Day."

She feels her breath get stuck on her throat, her thoughts going back and forward. She swallows hard and he pushes away from the door, walking towards her until he finds himself looking down at her bright blue eyes.

"W-what are you doing here?", she manages to get out.

"I'm here to pick you up", he says, "I got your text just as I was about to get on the car to drive home", he tells her, and bites back a smile to force a concerned expression. "How's Winston?", he asks her, "What happened?"

She sighs loudly and rolls her eyes, her previous annoyance turned into tiredness. "Guess who thought tonight would be a good night to pull a prank on me", she groans.

"What?", he asks, his eyes widening in surprise in a very convincing way. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah", she shrugs. She lets him lace their fingers together and tilts her head to the side. "Can we just go home?"

"Sure", he says, and she pulls on his hand to get to the front door. He lets go of her and walks to turn off the lights, the dim streetlamps softly illuminating the loft. He moves back to stand beside her, both of them looking around the empty space that used to be their home. He reaches for her hand and gives it a light squeeze, and he's already staring at her when she looks up at him.

"Let's go", she whispers, and turns around to the door. Her hand is on the knob when she feels him move behind her and press his palm against the door. She looks at him over her shoulder, and watches him take a step back.

"Just one more thing", he says, and she lets go of the doorknob and turns to look at him, frowning slightly. He stares at her quietly for a few moments, his eyes dark and focused, his determined expression deepening her frown. But her confusion is cut short when he smiles at her and sinks down on one knee, a gasp immediately leaving her lips. She feels her eyes starting to prick with tears and she blinks fast, because she's not going to miss a second of this.

He's staring up at her, a shy smile on his face, when he stretches his hand out and waits for her to take it. She does, taking a step forward and feeling her legs trembling with emotion.

"There's no Winston, is there?", is all she can say, letting out a sob that somehow turns into a teary chuckle.

He laughs with her and holds her hand, shaking his head. "I just needed to find a way to bring you here, Jess", he says, "you know, I got something to tell you."

"You do?", she sob-laughs, tightening her grip on his hand. She sniffs hard and blinks through her tears, and that's when she notices his own eyes are bright with emotion.

"It's something I've been meaning to ask you for a long time", he tells her. His intense stare leaves her from a moment and he looks around, her eyes following his sight line until he brings it back to her. "I wanted you to be standing right where you are now for me to ask you… Right where you were when I fell in love with you", he says, and even though she's trying, she's _really trying_ , she no longer can stop herself from crying. "And now we've come full circle", he tells her, and another gasp leaves her when his other hand disappears in his pocket and pull out _that_ velvet box.

"Jessica… Jess", he smiles, "It was right here, and right from the beginning", he says, and takes a deep breath to steady himself. "I love you more than I ever though I could, and every day that passes I'm even more in love with you. All I want to do is spend the rest of my life with you… So", he says, and lets go of her hand so he can lift the box lid open. His hands are shaking slightly, and she can tell he's as nervous as she is, his gaze moving from his own hands to her face. A round-shaped solitaire ring shines at her from its thin, delicate platinum band, but her eyes can't seem to leave his. This man, the man she loves with all her heart, wants her, and _only her_ , for the rest of their lives.

"Will you marry me?"

The buzzing in her ears fades instantly, the pressure on her chest and her rapidly beating heart all pushing for one word. "Yes", she says, and watches as he slides the ring onto her finger, the smile on his face so wide it makes her let out a chuckle. He rises back to his feet and she nods again, the tears falling freely now. "Yes", she repeats, his hands sliding around her waist as he pulls her to him and threads his fingers in her hair, crashing their lips together and swallowing her happy sobs. He kisses her lips, her cheeks, her jaw, anywhere he can reach, her hands holding onto his shoulders until her back connects with the door behind her. She lets out a loud yelp against his lips and he chuckles, parting away from her and moving them a few steps away from the door.

Then everything slows down, and he buries her head in her neck and breathes her in, her fingers softly skimming through his hair as she holds him to her. He feels her body starting to shake with laughter, and lifts his head to look at her only to see her bury her face in his neck, rubbing her nose against the skin there. He lets his hands roam over her back, and when she peeks up at him from her cuddled up position, the smile on her face is bright and infectious.

"You didn't see it coming", he grins at her, and she chuckles against his shoulder.

"No, I did not!", she says, pulling away from him. "Nick, it was perfect!"

"I had to make it special", he tells her, "I had planned to do it this way a long time ago, but I needed you to not find out about my intentions. It had to be perfect", he says, and he's still grinning at her because she said _yes._ "Do you like the ring?", he asks her, looking down at her hand. She nods her head, but her eyes are not looking at the ring- she's too busy looking at him.

"I love you", she says, "I love you". Her hand fists his shirt and she pulls him to her, kissing him and pushing him backwards through the apartment towards her target destination. The backs of his knees hit the couch and she pushes him down on it, wasting no time before she straddles him and starts kissing his jaw.

He starts unbuttoning her coat and pushes it off her shoulders, carelessly letting it drop to the floor along with his jaw when he notices the nightgown she's wearing. She smiles down at him, his eyes glued to her chest that is now leveled with his eyes.

"I though Winston's thing was an emergency…", she smiles, but he's to focused to smile back. "And I didn't have time to change", she says, biting down on her lip. She pushes her hair to her back, exposing the thin straps of her nightgown and her flushed collarbone, and his eyes darken to a shade she knows too well.

"I put it on for you", she tells him then, her hand gently going up and down his now rigid arm. He finally lifts his eyes up to her face, swallowing loudly. "Do you like it?", she asks him, her voice low and sultry and her lips only an inch away from his. He is too entranced to form a coherent answer, only managing to nod his head at her question. His hands begin to explore her back, reveling in the soft touch of the lacy material under his fingers. He leans his head forward, his lips tracing the skin right above her heart, and she can't help it but to softly grind down on him. He groans and sucks harder on her skin, his hands tracing her hips and sliding to the top of her legs, bunching the nightgown up to her hips. Her fingers rake through his hair and he moves his hands under the black negligee, tracing the waistband of her panties. Nick trails his lips up, up until he reaches her mouth, and she lifts her hips up and feels him just about to drag them down…

 _Thump, thump, thump._

The groan that escapes her lips is not loud enough to hide his annoyed grunt, and he drops his head to her shoulder.

 _"Can we come in already?",_ Winston's stifled yell comes through the door. _"We heard Jess say yes an hour ago! LET US IN!"_


End file.
